...four letter word
evil
ugly
I debated all day to post yes, no, right, wrong...
...but
I'm here so yes and right won out. There are so many words and thoughts swirling in my head that they need to flow so that I might start a healing process that just seems nightmarish at best.
How does a child prepare for the loss of a parent?
I have 6 months or less to make the most of the time my mom has left on this earth.
Six months if we're lucky, but luck is going to have nothing to do with it. For someone like me who is the forever optimist and finds the good in everything, for the life of me can't think of one single, solitary thing that will be rosy & bright at the end of all of this. What good could EVER come from watching a loved one succumb to such an evil and ugly disease? Where in the hell would a silver lining be hiding in the muck that's sucking the life of my mother?
it rained today
my heart is broken
my head hurts
i'm lost in sadness and grief
xo
kelly
kelly
Oh, Kelly, I'm so sorry about your mom and what you're going through. Depending on the cancer, some people do beat it, so optimism can be a huge and helpful thing, but it sounds like the prognosis for your mom is just not leaving much room for hope at all. For that I am so sorry. No, there are no silver linings and seeing a loved one suffer from cancer has got to be the worst thing ever. But at least you do know that this time with her is so precious and special. My mom passed away very suddenly, and we weren't given the opportunity to soak up any time with her. No good-byes. Nothing. So while this is a horrible, horrible thing, and there's no getting around that, you have moments that you can still share with her and help comfort her when she needs it most.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are in my thoughts, that I'm sending you warm hugs, and that I'm lifting prayers for you all.
Kelly, I am so very, very sorry. Time is all you have left, but then it was all we ever had to start with. Enjoy the laughter and allow the tears; never miss a moment to tell her how much you love her and forgive her all her less than stellar moments. I went through this with my mom and there are no words that will make it better, easier, or simplier. From the moment we are conceived till the moment we shut off the switch, it is all about time and making the best of it. A clean house, right clothes, perfect hair - none of that matters.
ReplyDeleteMy hugs and dearest of sympathy and support go out to you and your family and my prayers for your mom's comfort and your strength.
Tough times for you my friend -- and your family. Took courage to write this post. Will keep you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Kelly. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxo
ReplyDeleteKelly, my heart just hurts for you....I've been thinking about you a lot these past few days -please know I'm here if you need me!
ReplyDeleteYes cancer is ugly! It is evil & yet too very unpredictable:(. Know that i have walked the path w my sis & my dad. I am here if u need a hand to hold or a voice to steer u. My dad was told 6 months & pushed aside from his 1st dr & we were not content w his bedside manner & moved to a new DR that gave us 4 YEARs more to cherish. Hugging you as struggle to process this season of life. My you find a deeper strenght to hold up the light that guides your mom to hope & a contentment that allows her to understand.....
ReplyDeleteI am crying for and with you.
ReplyDeleteI am always here for you.
xoxoxo
I am so sorry to hear this, Kelly. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. I will be praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts. Prayers for your mom and your whole family as well. Please feel free to write posts like this in the future because I think it will help you to get your feelings off your chest and get support from your blogging family. Sending you big hugs.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am so very, very sorry.
ReplyDeleteYou and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry sweetie. Wish I could be there for you. But you will get through...make the most of the time you have left. Let go of the bitterness and just be there in love. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Kelly, I'm so sorry to read of your mom's illness..my heart goes out to you. I'm sure it was so hard for you to write about this. I'm not good at knowing what to say, but just know that I'll keep you and your mom in my prayers. xo
ReplyDeleteDear Kelly, know that you are not alone. Breathe in all the good vibes being sent your way, and exhale them back out into the universe where they will connect with all of your good intentions and bring you inner peace. Aloha
ReplyDeletei'm stopping by from augcott. blogspot .com ... what can i do for you, i will lift you up in prayer. i don't know you. i wish, i had the words to make it all better. to ease your pain & lose. one of those questions i will ask of my marker when i get there in the end. it is so not cool. there has to be a reason. but i personally don't know it & so don't understand. but i walk in Faith ... so imagine if you will, i am holding your hand, giving you a hug, a tissue ... some times just listening helps. some times finding the positive if at all possible helps. when ever you find something that will ease your pain even for a moment - latch on to it & hold on. bless you. ( :
ReplyDeleteI am also visiting from augcott.blogspot.com and I am sending hugs. I lost my Father six years ago with cancer they gave him 4 mths they were right and my Mom has been living with an incurable throat cancer kind for six years she is now 85 and is still here laughing against all the odds she said I am going to prove them wrong and so far she has. Never give up hope OK I do know this is hard. Things happen good things keep those thoughts and spend all your time with her and making her laugh. HUGS HUGS B
ReplyDeleteJust awful. I understand your grief because I lost my father too soon to cancer. I'm sending good thoughts and strength your way. Make sure to take care of yourself during this time, hold your mother's hand often, and say to her the things that you need to say.
ReplyDeleteoh this is just horrible news dearest, and for that, i am so terribly sorry. my heart is aching for you and the fleeting moments to come....make the best of them as best you can.....i am thinking of you and sending healing vibes, love and light.....
ReplyDeleteerin
My heart breaks for you. Obviously you have a close bond with your mother. The important part is to make the most of every day you have. I am keeping you and your mom in my prayers.
ReplyDelete