Absorbing...

...every last detail

Dear friends,

I'll be away for awhile. I flew to Pensacola Wednesday morning to be with my mom. Her health took an unexpected spiral downward & has been given just a few more precious days. As I watch her slowly slip away, I have great comfort knowing that she brought me into this world and watched me take my first breath, and I'm privileged to see her leave peacefully and take her last.  

Kelly

Trust...

...the process

It took all day to decide, but as Frankie watches the 6th game between the Cardinals & the Dodgers, I decided to be here, in my sacred space to post and link up with Nancy

I believe there is a process to everything wether it be change in personal growth, creativity, or simply to  handle life's difficulties. I'm not a huge fan of being spontaneous when it comes to making decisions-there is usually planning involved & every possible scenario thought through for the best possible outcome. 

As I go through this difficult time of slowly losing my mom,  NOW seems like the perfect time to not plan or NEED to know the whys & the what if's, but simply be here, in the now & know there is no right or wrong way to get through this life changing event. The biggest fear I have is getting lost in the sadness so I've made a promise to myself to continue doing the things that keep me here, in the present, in the land of the living & trusting the process that's right for me.

Thank you all for you words of comfort and I hope you are getting my emails after you post...I'd feel real bad if you thought I wasn't acknowledging you.

Random 5 Friday

1. I never did and probably never will, understand high fashion. 

2. I secretly wish to receive a small token from Tiffany's. I think every woman should have the thrill of opening that dreamy aqua box!

3. I don't like Mother Goose rhymes, never understood them. I think it's terrible they were written for children.

4. I LOVE chick flicks cause I believe in Happily Ever After

5. My all time favorite chick flick is P.S. I LOVE YOU

{swoon}

Happy (living another day) snapping

xo

Kelly

We must embrace pain...

...and burn it as fuel for our journey~

~Kenji Miyazawa~

Sometimes when you have so much to say and nothing comes out right or the way you see it in your head, a good quote fills in nicely until the thoughts get more organized and are ready to be written. 

I made this today, after hearing what we all suspected from my mom's biopsy. It doesn't make it easier, it makes it that much more real. Silly as it sounds, tearing paper was productive-mindless but with purpose...

That probably only makes sense to me. 

 The fact is, beautiful and terrible things happen in our lives and some days, we just have to be our own heros.

  

I have woven a parachute out of everything broken.  ~William Stafford

xo

Kelly

Wordless...

...Wednesday

xo

Kelly

Much needed...

...breather

{part 2}

{Part 1}

Some of you don't know this guy.

...

Meet Austin, the youngest of my three.

A few weeks ago, he and some friends were driving home from a Civil Air Patrol function up north. They decided to take an off beaten path home to which his first words to me were I'd be in photography heaven & that he was going to take me there someday. 

That someday was

Saturday.

I packed a bag full of warm clothes and snacks (I do spontaneous logical!) 

& off we went.

Just Austin and I.

Can I just say at 4000 ft. the sky is SO blue, the air is crisp and clean, you don't hear a sound-I couldn't drink in the peace and tranquility fast enough.

California is nicknamed "The Golden State" because the discovery of gold.

Personally I think it should be because the mountains are speckled with the abundant of 

golden wildflowers.

We stopped by a local pistachio farm

They had me at "chili"

I LOVE buying local when I can.

Can I just tell you how delicious this is?

There were future Santa Barbara wine grapes almost ready to harvest...

...and this in the middle of nowhere with signs of fall.

some of this...

...and a lot that.

It was just what I needed-an open road, wind in my hair, photo heaven, day with Austin.

Happy (nurturing) snapping!

xo

Kelly

A much needed

...breather

{part 1} 

I woke up Friday morning dizzy and nauseated-clue number one that it was time to stop to take care of me. As much as I hated to, I stayed home from work. After my obligatory chores of feeding the stray cat & putting the dishes away I curled up on my favorite spot on the couch and fell fast asleep for several hours. It was just what I needed.

Then...

...YOU all happened.

Honestly, this blogging family had me humbled and in tears of gratitude. Each of you took time out of your busy day to write such beautiful words of comfort, caring, and kindness.

I can't thank my sis Diane enough for sending her readers over to my end for such heart warming and generous outreaching to someone they don't even know.

 I count each of you as a blessing & will look back at yesterday when times are darkest. 

But today, I want to hold each of you unto the light.

Thank you...

Happy (grateful) snapping

xo

Kelly

Cancer is a...

...four letter word

evil

ugly

I debated all day to post yes, no, right, wrong...

...but

 I'm here so yes and right won out. There are so many words and thoughts swirling in my head that they need to flow so that I might start a healing process that just seems nightmarish at best. 

How does a child prepare for the loss of a parent? 

I have 6 months or less to make the most of the time my mom has left on this earth. 

Six months if we're lucky, but luck is going to have nothing to do with it. For someone like me who is the forever optimist and finds the good in everything, for the life of me can't think of one single, solitary thing that will be rosy & bright at the end of all of this. What good could EVER come from watching a loved one succumb to such an evil and ugly disease? Where in the hell would a silver lining be hiding in the muck that's sucking the life of my mother? 

it rained today

my heart is broken

my head hurts

i'm lost in sadness and grief 

xo
kelly

A photographic...

...journey

I can't believe an entire week has passed since the worldwide clicknwalk event. I've mentioned before that this was the 1st such event for me & I just jumped in with both feet. I went (so I thought) to just be with other women who loved photography as much as I do. Little did I know what a learning experience it would. It's been a long time since I've put myself into a new experience & I realized real fast that I was keeping company with women who are really, really REALLY good at what they do. Now the old me...from 20 years ago, would have immediately felt intimidated & allow my head to play games with me: "am I good enough, why am I here, will I look silly, will I seem out of place, etc." 

 But nope... instead, this was a way for me to watch and learn. 

 The setting was Crystal Cove  at sunset along the coast 

and a throw back to the 1930's & 40's unique vintage culture. 

There was a lot of this...

...and that...

...and playing with light...

...lost in textures...

...LOTS of this...

...forgotten items...

...found treasures...

It wasn't until I saw what the other gals posted that I realized I need to get out of my comfort zone and open my eyes even wider and then some. I loved how they saw what I saw but totally different. It lit a fire under and I'm excited to go out again and play. 

I am where I am in my photography journey, no apologies, no excuses, just happy at the process. 

Happy (find your zone) snapping!

xo

Kelly

Friday's letters...

...and total ramdom-ness

Dear week,

You were fun, enlightening, endearing & have brought more uneasiness.

Thank you for my first experience with other women photographers at the clickinwalk. 

It was quite a learning experience...a good one at that.

Dear Dad,

Oh the stories you can tell. At one point of our conversation yesterday, I wanted to cry, but as I was listening to your adventure and "playing" along, I heard how happy you were in your world. Even though Alzheimers is taking you away, you aren't in any pain and felt important-for that I'm grateful.

Dear Mom,

Ohhhhh-You certainly have been through the ringer haven't you? If the Dr. finds cancer, know you will not be alone & there are so many people in the universe...people you don't even know, sending you love and light. 

Dear Jamie,

I'm so glad you are finally feeling Erik move and kick...but to Miley Cyrus? Really? 

I hope it's in protest.

Dear Stray Cat,

There's no reason to hiss at me. I feed you, talk with you and try to show you affection. It's really sad to me that someone or something made you so scared.

I didn't get to share over at Nancy's last week so I'm excited to this week:

My Random 5 Friday

1. I am a SURVIVOR fanatic! I live vicariously through the tribe members. I often wonder what kind of castaway I'd make. I'd have the social game down, I wouldn't do so well in physical challenges...under pressure for sure, I could cook and be great around camp, and it would be a once in a life time experience.

2. I love, love love subtitled movies. My two favorites are "Castaway on the Moon" (Korean) and Amelie (French) Chinese movies are way up there too.

3. I've got jury duty coming up in a few weeks. I haven't been called since Austin was about 7. That's a whole other story.

4. Toilet paper goes OVER the roll people! OVER!!

If I get invited to your house and it's under...I may or may not "fix" it! (lol)

5. I hate liver

Ok my friends, Hope you had a great week-we are headed into a Santa Ana event and will be in high fire danger all weekend. I hate fire season-it's hot and miserable and sucks the life out of everything.

Happy (wishing for rain) snapping!

xo

Kelly

Hello operator...

..could you help me place this call?

Me oh my!

 I feel like I am so behind in everything-I'm getting caught up after the weekend, Frankie is coming home tomorrow after an 11 day Asia trip,  and I have SO much to share about my clickinwalk

that I'm a teeny tiny bit overwhelmed at the moment. I did want to post a little treasure I found from the weekend. Honestly, I wanted this baby to come home with me in the worst way! I think I may have to go hunt one down now...

 ...cause I need one! 

I'm sharing over at Kim's  

and

Nancy's

today.

Happy (ringy dingy) snapping!

xo

Kelly

P.S. I used Kim's "roidlove" on my image.