Thursday, December 12, 2013

Oh.My...

...word
(for 2014)

If you are one to choose a word to help guide you in the coming year, then you know how much thought and careful planning goes into choosing it. This word helps define what you want to accomplish, it can keep you motivated, give you strength to draw upon when you are weak & lift you up when you've been knocked down. 
The word I chose for 2013 was "LIVE"-but what I had in mind and what the universe had in store for me were complete polar opposites.  I believe in the end, my word did exactly what & why I choose a word in the first place-but only AFTER I dug deep & 100% accepted this to be true.

It seems only fitting to share my 2014 word here today, as it is the one year anniversary that all hell broke loose in my world and my word "LIVE" began it's job to guide me (I just didn't know it at the time.)  Many of you know that on 10-29 I lost my mom. What you may not know is that a year ago I lived through my mother's suicide attempt. It wasn't the quiet kind of attempt, but the "Oh My G-d what a mess kind."
 I lived through facing my estranged brother for the 1st time in 15 years cleaning up what my mother left behind. 
Can I just interject that the one beautiful gift I have received through all of this, is my brother again. We have worked out a lot of garbage & now have a wonderful, budding relationship. I've even gained a sister-in-law that has really enriched my life.

I lived through the horror of seeing my once beautiful mother severely depressed and looking like a concentration camp survivor. I lived through being away from home, weeks at a time, often missing holidays, caring for my parents once my mom came home. 
I lived through having to place my dad in a nursing home due to advance stages of dementia that was  getting worse rather quickly. I sifted, waded, met deadlines and almost drowned in the mountains of paperwork to get Medicaid for my dad.
 I lived through my grandmother's passing and flying to PA to finalize funeral arrangements because my dad had forgotten he even had a mother. 
I lived through my brothers 1st heart attack. (Thank goodness he's ok now).
All in all, there were 5 flights to Pensacola-none good. There were phone calls nearly everyday that never seemed to bare good news. There were countless sleepless nights, anxiety filled days, texts and e-mails to family & friends that just got harder and harder to send. 
I lived through finally finding my mom an Independent Senior Living Community that she loved & was supposed to spend the rest of her golden years enjoying only to find out she had stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.  I lived through sitting next to her 24/7 for the last week of her life and watched her take her last breath.

This last year has taught me so much about myself. You know what?  I turned out to be one tough cookie when faced with daunting, unsettling, tasks, and 100's of agonizing decisions.

So...
2014 will be the year that I give myself permission to:

B R E A T H E


Did you hear that?
 That was me sighing the sweetest sound. Frankie found this necklace on ETSY & gave it to me during Hannukah after I told him my 2014 word.
 This year though, there are no preconceived ideas and/or expectations. I've made peace with what I'll never have answers to, I'm healing my soul and wounded heart, I'm absorbing life's gifts that have been given to me, and most importantly I'm being kind and gentle to myself knowing I've just lived through hell and back.
~I'm ok~


Happy (find your strength) snapping
xo
Kelly

Kim Klassen dot Com

I'm sharing over at Kim's today

22 comments:

  1. Kelly - you have indeed been to hell and back and my heart broke for you as you endured everything you went through. You are one damn strong woman my dear and I admire you and you have inspired me with your words and images.

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  2. Brilliant - and most well deserved. You have indeed been through hell and back - and not in any small doses I might add. I concur with Geri - "you are one damn strong woman" and you have so inspired. I love the necklace and that Frankie found it on ETSY and knew it was just what you needed.

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  3. Oh my Kelly, you have been through a lot this year. I think your word for 2014 is perfect! You definitely need and deserve to BREATHE!

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  4. I have no words for this .... I am speechless .... I am in awe that you have "lived" through all of that and have come out stronger.
    That necklace is freakin' amazing .... how wonderful that you have a love like Frankie's by your side!!
    You know how much I love you ♥
    You are awesome! Mwah! **hugs**

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  5. Kelly - such a perfect word! And I love the little charm and so sweetly photographed. This post makes me happy. And, yes, I'm breathing.

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  6. Oh Kelly, so sad to read you were having such a rough time ...
    your word for 2014 is just perfect, the necklace is gorgeous, so sweet of your husband !
    Love those cute little Christmas trees !
    Nice weekend,
    Sylvia

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  7. Breathe - take deep breaths - that works!

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  8. Congratulations on surviving your year of hell, and finding out how strong you are. Love your word.

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  9. I think breathe is the absolute perfect word for you in the upcoming year. You really have lived through so much. I had no idea the extent of it all. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. But now you know there is no limit to your strength and what you can handle! :)

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  10. Oh my is right. What a year you had. I can't wait for this year to end. Trust was my word…holy cow, never thought I would be learning the tough and heart breaking lessons that I have… I think your word breathe is beautiful. I know much good is coming to you in 2014. And yes…you lived through one helluva year! xo

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  11. Oh yes. This is a good word for you, Kelly. *BREATHE*

    You are amazing. Lovely. Strong. And you LIVE, my friend. You are all these things and more ... so now you will also incorporate into them your new word. Breathe. xo

    [I must think about my new word. Believe it or not I've yet to consider one. Time is getting away too. I must do this soon.]

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  12. Oh my! What a terrible year you have had but you've come through it a much stronger person. I love your idea of thinking of a word and I may have to give that some thought. I hope that 2014 is a breath of fresh air for you to breathe every day of the year.

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  13. Kelly, you certainly deserve a reprieve from the losses you endured and lived through last year. How heart-wrenching that was for you. Your word for 2014 sounds perfect. Breathe.... Just saying it brings a calmness to mind. You are a strong person and very selfless I might add to leave your life and family behind while you spent the time that was needed to care for and be there for your parents. I hope the new year will be tender and kind to you. Hugs.

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  14. gosh you certainly have lived through it, I hope things improve for you and that 2014 is a good one, Lovely pictures by the way

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  15. Perfect choice for your word! And may it give you strength as well, even more than you've already shown!
    visiting from Friday Finds http://cherylmccainphotography.com/friday-finds-a-little-art/

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  16. You truly have 'lived' through all this, and this coming year I pray your heart will be more alive than ever. Tho mine is breaking for you right now.

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  17. Oh my ♥ Blessings for your next year dear!

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  18. As I was reading your story, the thought that went through my mind was that maybe subconsciously you had a premonition and it was a blessing that you chose the word 'LIVE' for 2013. Even as hard as what you experienced (and to my mind it was a lot!), somehow that word was the best one you could have chosen...because every day even with the bad news you could live and survive whatever came your way. Yes, it sounds like you're one very strong young lady. So sorry for your losses. Love the necklace and your 2014 word. :)

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  19. You are one tough cookie my friend (a gluten free one!). Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reasons do not become apparent until down the line. But what a gift you proven yourself to be to both your parents by stepping in and taking care of them. I doubt there is anything you can 't accomplish my friend.

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  20. oh dear, you certainly had a rough year and i am so sorry for that....but you have a brand new breathable year to look forward to! and i can hear in your voice, that you will breathe every single ounce of positivity into every day...you have survived 2013 and gained your brother back....there is so much to look forward too indeed....breathe baby breathe.

    a quote that i refer to often, is "what seems to us as bitter trials, are often blessings in disguise".

    i wish you many breathable blessings in 2014.

    erin
    xoxo

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  21. Well you have certainly had one heckofa year my friend, and how ironic that your word for 2013 was life. So much wrapped into a four letter word, so many lessons, so much "life" in so many forms for you in this last year. It only seems fitting that your word for next year would be breathe!! I'm still thinking about how my word I chose this year guided me...in a completely different direction than I had ever expected. Much love to you Kelly! xo

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