...to do
I was explaining on IG this morning that I was moody yesterday-partly because of the weather & partly because it's the end of the week & at the end of the day, I'm still dealing with a sick mom and a dad in re-hab who is working really hard to be able to come home but isn't ready to go OR be received. There's coordinating, and phone calls, update emails, dinner to make, pick ups at school, drop offs at gyms...It can be overwhelming. I like what my IG/blogging buddy, Roban, said, "Sometimes we just have to melt into the moment." Words of truth my friend.
I've resigned myself to the fact that 2013 is "the year" I just want over...then I think to myself, it's only January-A lot can happen yet...and then I think...oh yikes...anything good OR bad can happen. And so it goes...the little voice goes round and round in my head, over thinking, over processing, over analyzing, and then I wear myself out! It's a wonder I even at night! So I "melted" into that moment, felt it and moved on.
{Inhale} I take a deep breath and tell myself this is all going to work out the way it's meant to, try to find the good in a bad situation, don't be so hard on myself-rely on loved ones.{exhale}
I have only allowed myself little snippits of my losses. I think I'm doing 2 things at once. I'm either preparing for a total loss at the thought I'm never going to have my mom back to the way she was OR hoping that I will.
I just keep saying to myself that I'm on this journey...not one that like if I walked into a travel agency and said, "I want a trip that sucks in every way possible" but none the less...a journey bumps and all.
I'll take it, learn and grow from it and hope (there's always hope) for a happy ending.
Happy Snapping!
Kelly
xo
Please read my blog post today. I have given up...but in a good way. Yesterday on FB my status update was: "Can it be 2014 already?" LOL. I am going to finish out this month...and then my New Year will begin in February. I ordered a calendar and the year starts in Feb...so I will have my "do-over". Not sure what planets are lined up...but it's causing some crazy icky stuff in my world...hoping it all ends soon. Hang in there...you know where to find me if you need to talk. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI wish I was close by so I could "kidnap" you for a day and let you do whatever you wish .... take photos, drink wine, scream, yell, cry, laugh .... anything!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you in spirit, my friend.
Text me if you want to chat .... anytime of the day or night.
xoxo
♥
You know Kelly, I think you just have to experience the "mood" and "feelings" as they happen. Live in the moment. That's all you can do when experiencing happenings beyond our control. But never wish away time. It passes all too quickly as it is. Given the cr*p of a year I had in 2012...looking back upon it I can still see positive things that came out of it. Give 2013 a fighting chance my friend :)
ReplyDeleteThere is no shame in melting. If you didn't melt on occasion I would say you are in denial or indifferent. Know that you will make it out on the other end. It will push you to your limits of understanding, compassion, patience, forgiveness, and just about every emotion you can imagine. You WILL make it to the other end, but not without an occasional melt. Please also know that we will not think less of you if you feel the need to express frustration, anger, or even wistful dreams of simply walking away from it all. I know you just want to be past this stage, but in going through it you will learn positive things about yourself (and others) as well.
ReplyDeleteWe're there for you Kelly. {hugs}
I'm just hoping that the next eleven months will be much sweeter for you and for your parents. It's extremely hard to want to make things right with people when we really don't have that control.... Hugs, and keep looking for the positives. Like the glorious rays of the sun, sometimes they are hiding behind the clouds.
ReplyDeleteI had a couple of years like the one you're having (a carry over from the previous year...) and I understand how you feel. Mixed emotions, guilty feelings over some of them, being unsure what comes next...your friend Roban gave you some wonderful advice. I hope you can continue to melt into everything that happens within your world as the days go forward.
ReplyDelete