Saturday, December 22, 2012


...waiting for the found part

This is not a feel good post nor happy in any way so I am giving you fair warning to look away now.
I took this selfie several years ago for National Depression Screening Day, which takes place in Oct. I battled with depression 20+ years ago and digging myself out of that pit has largely shaped who I am today. 
My mother,
decided she would take her life
she survived.
She didn't try to go quietly
she will have scars on her wrists that will either make her stronger or defeat her purpose to live.
The signs were subtle, but there.
Being so far away and not being able to see the physical changes is hind sight.
I flew across the country to be with her and my dad. 
My brother and I had to do what NO child should have to do...or see
I hope one day the images of what I witnessed will not creep into my sleep.
I lost my mother that day, in more ways than I can count. 
I miss how our days intertwined and I haven't dared to fully grasp what I've lost, what our family lost that day in hopes that she finds her own way out that pit of ugly darkness.  
If you are still here reading this, I only ask one thing...
Please, check on an elder 
note any weight change & loss of appetite, the need to give things away, mood changes, withdrawal from family and friends...
Like a cancer, depression is not picky or selective and will take over anyone, at any age, at any given time.
The holidays can be especially difficult.

There are many dark days ahead.
is all I have
working on
wishing on a


 My mother...
Sally Ann


  1. Kelly, I am speechless and heart-broken for you and your family. Depression is an ugly disease that raises it's ugly head most unexpectedly. My thoughts, my prayers, my wishes for healing, hope and a miracle for you and most especially for your Mother. Stay strong, my sweet. You have a loving family surrounding you.

  2. What a touching post. Your words convey a lifetime of wisdom and understanding. You are a loving, caring , sensitive person and you are my wife. I am here for you Kelly, and together we will get past this unfortunate event. I truly love you , your husband.

    1. I love u so much it makes my heart hurt. I know with u by my side-I can weather anything. I love u deeply and forever.

  3. Kelly, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.
    I pray that you stay strong, and that your mom finds her way back.

  4. Praying for you all that you'll have strength and grace. Love to you all.

  5. Hope, Faith, Miracles. I pray you never lose the strength of your hope, your capacity for faith, or your ambition for miracles. Kelly, I am so, so very sorry that your mother has lost herself in this horrible illness and pray for you, your family, and your mom to find the way to a brighter resolve.

    My sincerest regards,

  6. Oh sweetie. ((Hugs)). Sending you much love and light. I am here if you need an ear. I don't really know what to say that has not been said already. Just know I am here...xo

  7. Kelly ...................................... I just can't find the words .................. I hurt for you and with you ............. I love you my soul sister ♥

  8. Kelly, I read your post yesterday...and it kept hanging in my head. It's so vulnerable, honest, sincere. It's so delicately you.
    I wish I could find words of comfort, but I can't... Just: take care and embrace the healing power of your boys.

    It was so good to see your pictures back today on IG and here.
    I wish you Paris for next year, or the next, or the next....... It's so great and grand.

    See you.
    Marleen (Marl1een on IG)

  9. Hi Marleen
    Thank u so much for all your love and support. It's amazing what the spirit of community can do for ones soul. My boys and my daughter lift my spirits. I have no where to go but up. Xo

  10. oh my dearest...i am so very are right, nowhere to go but UP.
    thinking of you....

  11. Kelly... I'm so sorry for all that you've been going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.




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