Lost...

...waiting for the found part

This is not a feel good post nor happy in any way so I am giving you fair warning to look away now.

I took this selfie several years ago for National Depression Screening Day, which takes place in Oct. I battled with depression 20+ years ago and digging myself out of that pit has largely shaped who I am today. 

My mother,

on

12-12-12

decided she would take her life

only

she survived.

She didn't try to go quietly

instead

she will have scars on her wrists that will either make her stronger or defeat her purpose to live.

The signs were subtle, but there.

Being so far away and not being able to see the physical changes is hind sight.

I flew across the country to be with her and my dad. 

My brother and I had to do what NO child should have to do...or see

I hope one day the images of what I witnessed will not creep into my sleep.

I lost my mother that day, in more ways than I can count. 

I miss how our days intertwined and I haven't dared to fully grasp what I've lost, what our family lost that day in hopes that she finds her own way out that pit of ugly darkness.  

If you are still here reading this, I only ask one thing...

Please, check on an elder 

note any weight change & loss of appetite, the need to give things away, mood changes, withdrawal from family and friends...

Like a cancer, depression is not picky or selective and will take over anyone, at any age, at any given time.

The holidays can be especially difficult.

There are many dark days ahead.

HOPE

is all I have

working on

FAITH

wishing on a

MIRACLE

Kelly

 My mother...
Sally Ann