Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Finding my...

...voice...again


The old saying "use it or lose it" keeps rattling around in my head these days. I seemed to have lost my motivation, my purpose, and my voice for blogging. Not just blogging but photography and my creative drive. I even know when all of that enthusiasm for these things I love began to take a nose dive. Before my surgery, I was miserable. I had no energy.  I was gaining weight because the fibroid growing inside me was sitting on my sciatica. That made walking painful and so therefore was out of the question. There's a whole list of issues I was experiencing but want to keep things kinda short and sweet. I was losing confidence in everything I did...so I just didn't do anything.
There was one beautiful moment, about 3 weeks after my surgery that spoke to me and would have been a beautiful post at that time. It was about acceptance and so relevant to finding my voice and feel it's a great jumping-off point that will hopefully help ignite my creative mojo. Better late than never!
So, like I said, about 3 weeks after my surgery, I was more than annoyed that our whole summer was a bust due to my recovery. I was still walking something akin to the Hunchback of Notre Dame, parts of my belly were still so numb and swollen---but, I was starting to have better days. I got off the couch to get the blood circulating and Frankie asked to see my scar, as he often did to see the healing progress. I obliged. Upon looking down at the red, lumpy, and swollen scar that seemed to be my new abdominal landscape, said something pitiful and self loathing. To my surprise, Frankie kissed my scar and told me he accepts my new landscape and was perfectly ok with the way it was & how ever it might look in the end.  My heart swelled 10x its normal size.
From that exact moment, I was done feeling sorry feeling sorry for myself. I accepted whatever new landscape I was due to have but vowed to get back into shape & possibly have some say at what I wanted that scar to look and feel like. I'm also being kind to myself and allowing myself time to slowly get back into the things I love. If that wasn't enough, I was reading Barb's blog and she's offering a "Blogging Bits and Bytes." You can read all about it HERE . Wanna know the best part? It's free!  Thank you Barb...It was like you were inside my head!



...and what does tea have to do with any of this? Absolutely nothing...but I think it's prettier than my scar!! (lol)


Happy (kickstarting) shooting!
xo
Kelly

10 comments:

  1. I go in spits and spurts with posting, but I keep at it, some are great, some mediocre, that's life! I like the disciple that blogging creates, I like the community that I am a part of, I love connecting with others. I love watching my photography grow and get better the more I do, the thing is that I am not dependent on others to get it done, because others will always let you down, I do it because I am passionate about photography and I am passionate about learning and making myself a better photographer. I think that is the biggest thing I have learned about myself this year.

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  2. So so glad to see you back, Kelly. I know that sometimes the effort or the inspiration leaves us for other roadblocks in our lives. But it's always nice to re-connect with those blogging buddies that are there, Thanks for re-connecting!!

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  3. Kelly, I am glad you are doing so much better. It sounds like you have gone through a storm and coming out the other side. You are just one of many that have expressed the same sentiments about blogging including myself. I have decided to continue because I love sharing my photography and my life in general. I am happy that you are are inspired to blog once again....

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  4. So good to see you back here and not only on instagram ( which is great fun). Whatever your body landscape will look like it is not changing the YOU. Blogging is at the moment not high on my agenda as well, other things take over and sometimes I just lack some inspiration. Take care and be kind to yourself. Have a good day.

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  5. Hi Kelly ... well, this made me teary ... people tend to beat themselves up over things they have no control over. You had a serious medical condition that you did not ask for but handled with your usual candid grace and humour (at least on your blog ;)). I always, always, enjoy reading your posts and I'm not sure you know it, but you are a major source of inspiration to me. I especially loved your blackout poetry ... in fact it sparked an idea for a tutorial that I wrote for Digital Scrapper. I hope my little course continues to inspire you ... it's got me a bit jittery, hoping that I can meet expectations ... but hey ... I'm passionate about it so that's got to be something, right? Keep on doing what you love - you are amazing at it.

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  6. a story of hope and rejuvenation...a great way to start my day...thanks for the inspiration!

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  7. Welcome back. This has been a rough summer in many ways for many people, at least in your case you have a doctor's excuse. Me - it has just been a shitty, fun sucking, laborious summer. Personally, I have scraped the bottom of the creative barrel till it is thread barren and my blog posts more a chore than a pleasure (fairly sure there has been the crack of the whip a time or two).

    Heal. But also know that you are an amazingly strong and beautiful woman who inspires a quiet crowd. I am grateful for your Instagram posts as well as your blogging. (and yea, that Barb is an awesome cookie)

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  8. I am glad to see you back here, Kelly!
    You just take good care of you, and give yourself time.

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  9. So many storms we have to weather too.... I sure hope your recovery is almost behind you now as I read this post. I keep finding so often the storms are also because we had different expectations than what it was. Which is kind of duh, but seriously taking things as they are instead of how we "wished" they were is just freeing.

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Thank you for stopping by my little corner of the blogging world. Your comments always put a smile on my face. Hope to see you again real soon.