Monday, May 19, 2014

Life as a Motherless...


Mother's Day has come and gone.
 It was the one day I'd been dreading since my Mother's passing-Oct. 29, 2013. First, the commercials started-torture to listen to. The ads for gifts and flowers weren't any better. The week prior, I was a mess. I really just wanted to quietly slip into bed & sleep the day away. Frankie had a much better idea. He hosted a family BBQ complete with Mimosa's & plenty of chocolate to eat. He worked so hard that  I begged him to let me help clean up because I was starting to feel guilty...just like a mom huh? 
I survived my 1st "Motherless Day". 
I know personally since losing my mom, I have a sense of wanting to isolate myself more. I also have a sharp awareness of my own mortality. I'm sure this is all very normal & I fight back those feelings by living in the present as I learn to live comfortably without my mom. 

A week later, the lanterns that adorned the ceiling are still up...
They make me happy.

 He doesn't always show it, but Austin knows the affinity I have for butterflies and was so excited about the gift he found for me.
Chinese proverb on the cup reads: "Ethereal butterflies thrive in a world that flourishes".

He also picked out a delicious Acai blueberry white tea that's delicious iced.

Today seems only perfect that Stasha over at The Good Life 

10 Things You Want To Say To Your Mom:

1. I'm sorry your last year of life was hell.
2. I'm sorry you felt you had to go through it all alone.
3. We are our mother's daughter, but sometimes that's not good enough & things should be done differently. 
4. I know you loved us-
5. I'm slowly accepting the mom you were and not the mom I wished you were.
6. I miss our book club. I cherish the books we read together.
7. I found out how strong I am being in the presence of your death.
8. I was glad I was holding your hand.
9. I don't regret hearing your last breath.
10. I love and miss you every day.

Today my very talented friends,
Roban over at Moments in Time
are continuing with the virtual blog tour. Please stop by and visit a new blog today!

You can read about me HERE

Happy (blog hopping) snapping


  1. With every passing day it will be a little easier and the memories will be happier. Today is the day that my father passed away years ago and reading your lovingly written words about your mother made me think that whatever time we have on this earth that we have to fill our live with love , grace, tolerance ,happiness and empathy.

  2. This was my first Motherless Mother's Day and I just wanted to shrivel up and cry. All of the commercials made me sick...felt like they were taunting me. I too was holding her hand and there for her last breath. I am sorry for your loss.

  3. Oh my. This is a double whammy for me. Just last night I watched the season finale' of PBS's "Call the Midwives". One of the characters lost her mom to cancer in the show. I love this show because it is so REAL. A bit TOO real last night for me. Watching, and listening, to the mother's passing was just too darn REAL for me. Reminded me so much of losing my dad not all that long ago. That first father's day without him was torture. So I totally understand your sense of isolation you are feeling. I have been in it for almost 1 1/2 years now. But I'm comfortable in it. I hope that the memories keep you warm, and you do whatever you need to do to deal with what is going on in your life at the moment. Your mom would want it that way :). God bless you my friend.

    1. I so agree with you on this - that episode just tore my heart out. My mother is alive and doing pretty well, but she'll be 89 this year and each year I have seen her decline. I have already lost my Dad and Chummy's portrayal was so authentic and so heart-wrenching.

  4. I know how difficult this is, Kelly, and although you will always miss her, it will become less painful over time.
    I am sorry it was such a sad day for you.

  5. The relationships with our Moms as daughters are so complex, and baffling, and deep. I hope that you will continue remember the good things and treasure the good times, while letting the more difficult times fade. I see, more and more, as I realize my own frailty, just how human our parents are.

  6. Kelly, I want to give you a big hug. I liken losing a parent to losing the sun or the moon - we were born and in our world was the sun, the moon, our mom, our can life ever be the same when one of them is gone? It seems as nothing is ever the same and the sense of loss is at times overwhelming. I wish I had a simple answer...but there is only one...time.

  7. This had to be such a difficult time for you. But you made it through! I know that if I'm going through a tough time, I do tend to isolate myself and I think that's very normal behavior, even though all the experts say you need to be around people instead. Your butterfly mug is so pretty! I'm glad you got to have a bright spot in your difficult day.

    I've been missing your blog! I will have to try to make time to stop by more often, my friend. Take care and sending big hugs your way! ;)

  8. Oh Kelly... this is so incredibly moving it left me teary. I can feel your love for your mom and you put into words many of the things I went through (and felt) when my mom passed. It does get easier with time but I will miss her always. {{hugs}}


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