I sat with my coffee at the kitchen table this morning, staring out the window, waiting for the sun to come out, quickly realizing that it most likely would not make her predictable appearance. There was an odd shift in the weather, gray, overcast skies. Thick, warm air that makes you work for a breath seemed stale and still. Whatever it was seemed to matched my mood. My usually quiet insides were screaming (and still are although better) to make time slow down and not let summer end.
It happens every August 1, when I flip the calendar and see "1st day of instruction." This year, it's worse only it shouldn't because once I get going it's 180 days of "lasts." My last first day, my last group of kids, my last winter and spring break, my last last day of school. This past school year was tulmultuious at best and things haven't quite settled yet so I know that's part of it. Rotten & underserving things have happened to co-workers that have completely unnerved me and I know that's part of it too.
It's the shift from laissez-faire days to waking up to an alarm clock that has me feeling like a kicking and screaming child that wants her way to play a little longer. The littlest, quiet part of me is telling me that this too is a "last", take a breath and count my blessings.
I need to trust the process and tell myself over and over and over again, that everything is happening exactly the way it is suppose to.
Honest to goodness...right now...looking out that same window as this morning, a rainbow has appeared over the valley.
So, this is where I stand on this first day of August...shifting with the weather, a belly full of butterflies waiting for optimism that I expect of myself to return, looking for balance through it all.
How do you take shifts in your life? Do you journal, paint, clean, exercise?
Please share, I'd love to hear.
Happy (August) shooting!